


How Dudley Took the Plunge: Coda

by ArtemisTheHuntress



Category: Unseen - Long Story Short Productions (Podcast)
Genre: Dialogue Heavy, Gen, More Blackstar-being-dubiously-ethical-and-the-LaValles-having-enough-of-it shenanigans, Post-Valentines Day Special, Siblings, Unseen World politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:27:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29470179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArtemisTheHuntress/pseuds/ArtemisTheHuntress
Summary: The person Dudley Carmichael told his story to reports back.
Relationships: Addison Lavalle & Edmond Lavalle
Comments: 7
Kudos: 7





	How Dudley Took the Plunge: Coda

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this to procrastinate on my actual homework I'm supposed to be writing.

“So you didn’t find him,” the Lady Winifred Carmichael said. She sipped her lovely little china cup of tea, shifted her regal gray wings such that they draped in a most intimidating manner over the length of the 19th-century settee, and gave Edmond LaValle the kind of look that indicated that the best way to conclude this conversation was if he died on the spot.

Eddie shrugged and spread his hands. “Now, Lady Carmichael, I am the best, cleverest, and handsomest agent that Blackstar has to offer. I never said I didn’t _find_ him. Just that I couldn’t return him to you.”

She fixed him with the kind of stare that is usually reserved for a hawk at a meddlesome crow pulling its tail and likely about to get eaten. “There should not be a difference, Mr. LaValle.”

“Here’s the thing, Lady Carmichael,” he said. “Just one slight hiccough in the course of this whole affair. You contacted Blackstar and requested that we track down your meddlesome, newly-missing grandson; well, missing persons, we do that perfectly often, that is well within your right. Our research division does a bit of background sleuthing and case prep, try to ascertain the last time he was seen, and by whom, and in what circumstances. Many people had seen him last, so that’s all well and good. Then the Council of Seven assigns the case to your truly, seeing as I am their best, cleverest, and handsomest agent, and I’m off travelling the world to find your wayward grandson and bring him home safely.

“I find him. Your dear Dudley is a sweet man by all accounts, but may I take the liberty to say, not the cleverest one. I explain why I’m there, that his dear worried grandmother and clan leader is looking for him. It caused a bit of a ruckus at first, but it all sorts out nicely enough when I clarify that I'm not going to _kidnap_ him or anything and I just want to talk, to hear his side and understand why he disappeared, and at that point he was happy to invite me into his home and pour some terribly sweet drinks and tell me his entire story.”

“And?” Lady Winifred Carmichael asked, wearing her impatience visibly.

“He hadn’t done anything wrong,” Edmond said.

Lady Carmichael bristled, the feathers of her wings fluffing up in what Edmond _knew_ was a threat display but honestly just looked kind of cute. “He hadn’t done anything _wrong?”_

“Not committed any crimes, nor put himself or others in danger, nor performed any conspicuous displays of magic to affect the Cauled,” Edmond said. He held his own teacup and saucer daintily on his lap. He didn’t drink any of it. “He and his husband—lovely man, by the way, riotously funny and fantastically handsome, I see the appeal—have a nice little business and a circle of friends and overall were an absolute waste of Blackstar’s time and resources to call us in for.”

“It is not Blackstar’s call to _make_ if he has done anything wrong,” Lady Carmichael snarled at him. Birds didn’t have teeth, Edmond thought, so it was really unfair that harpies had such sharp ones. “The harpy clans have our own laws and our own punishments. My grandson Dudley has shamed me, shamed the clan, sundered our relationships with the Brand family and driven poor Sibella to spinsterhood, and _doomed_ our branch of the clan by his abdication. My sister Margaret and her horrid son Frances will now inherit the Carmichael headship! And you say Dudley has done nothing _wrong?”_

“ _My_ sister Addison seems to quite enjoy her spinsterhood,” Edmond said. “I’m sure it has its appeal to those inclined.”

“These are all crimes in themselves, among our people!”

“Then you shouldn’t have called in Blackstar,” Edmond said bluntly. “Harpies have consciously decided not to be bound by Blackstar as a governing or policing body, which means that any cases you send through to us must be crimes or at least problems under _our_ own strictures. Dudley Carmichael has done nothing to merit Blackstar pestering him any more than I already have. He’s happy where he is, and I feel more than justified letting him stay that way.”

“You will not dismiss me! This is not—!”

“Whatever you are about to say, Lady Carmichael, I promise that I mean no disrespect when I assure you it is.” Edmond set aside his untouched tea and stood up. “I sympathize with your plight, but leave your grandson alone. That’s the best advice I can offer you.”

It wasn’t the most elegant case closure Edmond had ever performed, but he’d been through many, many worse ones, and Lady Carmichael was far too polite to attempt to tear his throat out with her teeth or any other such impropriety. Overall he could consider it a success. It might sully relations between Blackstar and the harpy clans… but, well, if relations were sullied maybe they’d stop trying to call in problems like this. Edmond LaValle exited the sitting-room, strolled out the door and down the walk of the fancy estate, and made sure he was far away from any spying magic laced through the property before he called Addison.

“She didn’t tear your throat out with her teeth, I see,” Addison said, by way of greeting.

“Was touch-and-go there for a minute,” Edmond answered, “but she’s too refined for that. That really only happened _once,_ Addison, it’s not a _common_ thing to expect. She will probably try to sue Blackstar, though, might want to be ready for that.”

“Did she threaten that?”

“Not in so many words, but it was, ah, subtext, if you will. She wasn’t happy about my answer.”

“No, I suppose she wouldn’t be,” Addison said.

He finally let out some of his carefully-held-back frustration. “I don’t know what else she expected my answer to be. Her grandson eloped and ran away, and I can see why. This isn’t our _job,_ Addison, it’s not what Blackstar is _for._ We’re not here to play scandal-soothing for the rich and easily embarrassed!”

“We’re not here _for_ that,” Addison said, “but funny how often we seem to do so anyway.”

“ _We_ don’t.”

“No. Because you’re right, and we shouldn’t. Which is why I trusted _you_ with this case. Should I look out for her trying again? Claiming bias and requesting a new agent?”

“She might, but even if you get overruled and someone else gets set on our boy Dudley’s tail, I left him a little… present, you could say.”

On the other end of the phone, Addison sighed. “Eddie, what did you do this time?”

“Nothing dangerous! Nothing even _questionable,_ Addison, promise. Just wove a little spell over his house, mix of an early-warning system and a confounding cloud. Anyone trying to use magic to find him again will have a much more difficult time of it now, and he’ll know. Thought it was the least I could do.”

“Ah. All right, yes, that was… probably good thinking.”

“I do think, sometimes,” Edmond said.

“I know. Still, it seems a bit… _subtle_ for your preferred magics.”

“I _also_ do subtle, sometimes! It’s not _my_ fault I keep getting sent on the kind of assignments where fire comes in handy. Besides, this was _still_ a bit show-off-y, if you must know. It was the really good kind, based on the sort of stuff dragons lay over their caves.”

“Dragon magic! Isn’t that fancy.”

“Oh, come on,” Edmond said. “I did say _based_ on. I may be fantastically talented, but I’m not quite yet up to the skill of a dragon. There’s only one human mage I know who I might say is at that level.”

Addison snorted, but laughed just a little. Eddie could tell, even over the phone, that she was rolling her eyes, but she was smiling despite herself.

“Really,” Edmond continued, “this is something I’ve never understood about harpies as a culture-polity. They put _so_ much emphasis on family loyalty above all… but every harpy family I’ve ever met, they can’t _stand_ each other.”

“It does seem to be a trend, doesn’t it?” Addison said. “I’ve never met a harpy who didn’t secretly resent their clanmates for _something_ and feel unable to say anything about it. There’s something to be said for a setup where that kind of loyalty isn’t enforced. I think without it, it opens up the capacity to actually _like_ your family and _want_ to be around them.”

“Sometimes, at least some of us poor stupid humans are able to pull our heads out of our behinds and try to get some things right, huh?” Eddie said.

“Sometimes,” Addison said, “I think we just might.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why after listening to the Valentine's Day Special I thought "Oh, Dudley is telling his story to Eddie LaValle," but here we are.


End file.
